A bullet-shaped hole where my heart used to be
The light from my monitors are the only lights that reflect off the bare walls of my empty room. The late nights of pointlessness are back, but at least this time, I’m trying to use it for something more recreational. Or at least I’d like to think so.
Whatever happened to the warm, fuzzy feeling inside when walking in the sun during summer, I wonder? The good feeling you get when the sunrays hit your shoulders through your t-shirt, all while you try your very best to cling onto your most treasured in your feeble hands? Nowadays, it feels like an echo of the past. Routines are what they’ve become, like doing the dishes after dinner or catching two episodes of The Simpsons every evening at 1900. It is boring. But it used to be fun, for a while.
Sometimes I wonder if the late nights ever went away. Have I always felt this demotivated? I no longer know for sure, if that really matters for anything anymore.